A Leaf in the Wind
by Badge of Honour
Summary: When we hit our lowest point we are opened to the greatest change. Troubling reports reach Republic City, but having lost what was most precious to her, how can the Avatar hope to restore balance to the world? AU in which Aang was unable to spirit bend in the season finale.
1. Chapter 1

Amon had _won_. Korra had overpowered and defeated him in battle and managed to successfully airbend, but he had still managed to destroy her, just as he had promised he would. Distantly, she heard Katara tell her that even she, the greatest Waterbender in the world, was incapable of curing her, and that she was sorry. The Avatar felt hollow inside as Katara's words began to sink in, her heart turned to lead where once there was fire, earth and water coexisting in harmony. How could she bring balance to the world when she had been so irreparably unbalanced herself? Her bending had defined her, and that power had fled the Avatar. Korra ignored sympathetic stares as she stepped out of Katara's solar. She did not want to be pitied.

"It's going to be alright, Korra," Tenzin said delicately, as though she were made of glass, and that even the softest words would shatter her.

"No, it's not." Her voice was surprisingly devoid of emotion.

_How could I let this happen_, she wondered as she brushed past her family and friends, grabbing her coat. It had been her duty as the Avatar to master all four elements and maintain equity across all nations. Korra had failed miserably, and she _hated_ herself for it.

"Korra, wait!" Mako called as she walked in the icy tundra that had been her home, his long strides quickly catching up with her. She sighed, and stopped.

Korra tried to inject all the venom into her voice that she could, feebly. "Go away." She just wanted to be alone; she did not want to hear his hollow assurances of how everything was going to get better if she just waited for a miracle to happen. Korra could not bring herself to hope.

"I will," he began gently, "but I just want you to know, I'm here for you."

"No, I mean go away. Back to Republic City. Get on with your life." _As I no longer can_, she left unsaid, folding her arms and looking away from the firebender. Her life was over, but there was no reason why she should have to drag others down with her.

"I'm not the Avatar any more, you don't need to do me any favours." Korra said, her voice sounding empty, fittingly.

Korra began walking away again, but Mako would not give up, and he halted her with his hand on her shoulder.

"I don't _care_ if you're the Avatar or not. Listen, when Tarrlok took you, I was losing my mind at the thought of never seeing you again. I realised that - I love you Korra," Mako blurted out, resting a palm on her face.

That took her by surprise. His hand was comforting on her skin, her own aqua blue eyes met his amber and she instantly regretted it, remembering Asami.

She grudgingly pulled herself away from his soft touch, and managed to spit out "I - I can't," turning on her heels, running and mounting Naga, not daring to turn back. How selfish could he be? Now was _not_ the time for declarations of love.

Korra ignored Mako's protests, and rode out of the compound where she had lived as swiftly as she could. Reaching the icy cliffs where she had played as a child, she could finally be alone with her memories. Korra had always been a boisterous child; confident and outgoing. Now she was a shell of her former self, melancholy and brooding. Her fur lined boots were steady on the snow, and as she stared out to sea she felt tears welling. She let them fall in silence as she looked below, a several hundred metre drop at least. A thought struck her.

Korra had failed as the Avatar and would forever lament her losses by Amon, but wouldn't it be so much kinder to end it? The Avatar spirit would be reborn, and the new Avatar could do what Korra could not. She thought of Lin Beifong, one of the greatest metalbenders of her time, now merely a husk of her former self, and all those others she had failed to protect; Tahno, and even Councilman Tarrlok.

Silent tears turned to sobs as she collapsed to the ground and hugged herself, replaying what she could have done differently in her mind. Steeling herself, the Avatar stood. Korra wiped her tears.

She turned back, and saw her polar bear dog. Korra buried herself into Naga's warm fur, and whispered her goodbyes. Naga was her spiritual companion, but she would be cared for.

She was finally going to fly, she thought bitterly as she approached the cliff side again, breathing slowly. It won't hurt at all, she reassured herself as she hugged her arm. Korra should have been more careful of what she wished for.

Her most happy memories crashed over her in a wave of nostalgia. Her first time bending when she was little more than a suckling babe. Discovering that she was the Avatar before she could even read. Being given a small white pup at the age of five. Mastering water, earth and firebending and the adrenaline that pumped through her veins during her firebending examination. Katara telling her to realise her destiny; _I'm sorry, Katara_. Having her breath stolen from her seeing Republic City for the first time. Meeting Mako and Bolin. Becoming the leaf. Probending. Becoming friends with Asami. _Mother, father, everyone, I am so sorry I failed you all._

Choosing release, she stepped forward and let the wind take her.


	2. Chapter 2

A thousand voices screeched as one in a cacophony that pounded Korra's head. Visions flicked through her mind in an instant. She saw a frozen oasis; dragons spewing fire enough to melt a man's flesh from his bones; an earthquake tearing the land before her asunder. She heard whispers, promises of rewards, revenge and friendship all at once. Korra lifted her arms to shield herself from an emaciated, rotting wolf, before she blacked out.

* * *

Acutely, Korra became aware of the cold piercing through her veins as she woke. She was lying in a wreckage of ice and earth jutting all around her haphazardly, her head almost buried in Naga's soft snow fur. The polar bear dog was breathing deeply and laying on the ground, probably asleep. The Avatar heard a voice, and grumbled in complaint.

"Korra," she heard Tenzin say quietly.

"Wh - What?" she croaked, her throat dry as a bone. _Water_. She needed water.

Tenzin sat down and handed her a skin, as though reading her mind. She removed the cap and smelled it cautiously. It definitely wasn't water.

"Drink," he told her. Lifting her arm, Korra winced; her coat was a deep red and blood trickled slowly down her left arm. There was a sour taste to whatever Tenzin had given her, but a few gulps seemed to inject a little fire in her veins, and for that she was grateful. Korra handed back the flask, and Tenzin took a sip himself.

"I'm sorry, Korra," Tenzin said. "I should never have let you leave the White Lotus compound."

Korra had most definitely not expected an apology from her old airbending master. Scorn, perhaps, most definitely retribution, but this? Something wasn't right.

"I hope you realize the enormity of what you did earlier," he began calmly. Korra could feel a pit in her stomach. She now knew why he was being so gentle. "I saw everything." he said. "I thought your decision… idiotically noble."

"I should be dead." Korra said. Tenzin nodded. "So… you were the one who airbended me back?"

"No, I came here just to see you jump - I had no line of sight to bend you back. I admit, I feared you dead - until you cut through the entire sheet of ice and catapulted yourself back here for Naga to catch you, of course."

"I see." Korra frowned, and leaned over the edge tremulously. Fragments of ice as thick as a ship's hull were lulling aimlessly, jagged shards thawing in the evening sun. "I did that?" she asked uneasily. Tenzin confirmed.

"Korra, your fall triggered the Avatar State."

Somehow Korra had already known, but she still felt like she had been punched in the gut.

"Y - You mean I lost control?!" she blurted out.

Tenzin's brow furrowed. "Yes, but that is nothing to be ashamed of. Avatar Aang required training in the Avatar State, and even then struggled for some time."

But if Korra lost control once, it could easily happen again. _What if I hurt somebody?_She would never forgive herself.

Korra swallowed the lump in her throat, and her pride. "I need to control it. If I can't trigger the reincarnation cycle, I should at least try to be the Avatar that the world deserves."

Tenzin smiled. "Then I will do my best to assist you," he said, his eyes gleaming with triumph.

* * *

Katara was able to mend Korra's mauled arm easily, and more importantly asked very few questions, a welcome relief. The elderly waterbender seemed happy enough knowing that Korra was safe, and she instantly felt guilty. Katara knew that a piece of Aang lived on inside of her, and Korra would have severed that last precious connection had she died. Mako had confessed his love, and although she had mixed feelings on the matter - he, too, would have been devastated. Her parents, Bolin, Asami, Tenzin - Korra slowly began to realize that all of them needed her in some weird way. How could she have been so selfish?

"There, all done," Katara smiled.

Korra grinned and gave her old mentor a hug, her arm still a little stiff. She was careful not to squeeze too hard. It was hard to put her gratitude into words, but she felt like Katara understood.

"It's going to be alright, Korra." This time, Korra believed it.

Katara slid open her doors, and her friends and family spilled in again. Mako stood beside Asami, back to his impassive brooding expression, and Bolin whooped when he heard that she had entered the Avatar state.

"That is so _awesome_!" he said, bursting with excitement. "What did it feel like? Did you know you were doing it? Were you flying? How does it feel to fly? How come you never-"

"I think that's quite enough questions for today," Tenzin said, his deep voice cutting through the earthbender's sharply. "We have another long journey ahead of us."

"Oh, do you have to leave so soon _again_?" Katara asked with a frown.

Korra pouted. "I don't think any of us want to leave. It's been real nice being home for a little while, but duty calls. Tenzin's on the Council, and I'm the Avatar,"

"And we have got to deal with it, I remember well." the old waterbender said impishly, recalling one of Korra's earliest memories.

"Heh, yeah, I guess you do." the Avatar said with a grin, folding her arms.

Her parents were most reluctant for Korra to leave - how much danger had she been put in before, what had Amon managed to do to her? But Korra had set her mind on returning to Republic City, and that thought was implacable.

"I'd be a pretty crappy Avatar if all I did was stay in this safe little compound in the middle of nowhere, right?" she had said with all the bravado she could, closing the argument.

It took just over a day to return to Republic City, the ship they had travelled in was one of the fastest around, apparently. She learned that in Tenzin's absence, Generals Bumi and Iroh had formed a joint committee with the remaining metalbenders in the police force that was completely focused on restoring law and order to the city. But the United Forces' men were soldiers, not police officers, and Korra bit her lip nervously. How could they hope to keep the peace?

"But not to worry, I am sure order will be restored as best as possible, Iroh seems more than capable of handling the situation, and I am sure will keep my brother occupied," he had said. "We will be heading straight back to Air Temple Island, to resume your training and keep you out of trouble."

"Trouble? Me? _Really_!?"

Bolin laughed at that, and then Asami. Even Mako's mouth had curled into a smirk. Korra folded her arms and pouted.

Tenzin hired a cab and grumbled in complaint at some length, scowling as he handed over an extortionate amount of yuan to the driver. "It's not even that long a journey."

Korra had the wind knocked out of her when the hourly boat docked at Air Temple Island, Meelo and Ikki tackling her to the ground and breaking into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

"Hey, daddy," Jinora said in her usual calm demeanour. "Mom's cooking something, I think."

Tenzin nodded and strode into the house, Asami following, and then Mako afterwards. Bolin and Korra stayed with the kids, Korra challenging the others to a race around the island.

"But that's - not - fair," a red-faced Bolin puffed between breaths as he staggered up to Korra and the others. "You guys can - all - airbend," he panted.

"Catch your breath, fatty." Meelo said with a devilish grin.

Bolin frowned and shook his head. "Hey, this is all muscle," he patted his stomach. "And I'm a growing guy!"

As if on cue, that was when Pema, looking exhausted but otherwise well, called them in for dinner. Korra sat next to Jinora on her right and adjacent to an empty seat next to Bolin on her left. She didn't want to cause any more awkwardness by being too near to anyone at the moment, she had already screwed enough things up for her friends. She heard footsteps, and turned around.

"I hope I didn't leave you all waiting too long," Lin Beifong said curtly, occupying the empty seat. The lines in her face had deepened, and her hair seemed more grey than the last time Korra had seen her. There were dark circles under the former chief of police's eyes, and she looked completely deflated as she filled a glass with some amber liquor. Korra felt like she should say something, anything, but the words stuck in her throat, and disappeared after her first assault of mashed potato.

Asami cleared her throat. "So, erm, have you been staying here since -"

"Since I lost my bending, yes." Lin said sharply. Sensing the tension, she laughed bitterly. "Trust me, I'm over it."

_You don't look it_. Korra bit her lip, but remained silent.

Pema cleared her throat. "Lin has been most helpful keeping an eye on the children - Rohan has been taking up most my time, you see," she said, the conversation dragging on about baby talk that Korra couldn't care less for.

The remainder of the meal passed uneventfully, Korra continuing to zone out whenever she could. She snapped back to the table when she was told that she was to be up at sunrise for Tenzin's lessons. _Challenge accepted_, she thought with a grin.

After dinner, everyone simply diffused to their bedchambers. Korra pulled back her doors, and sighed contentedly as she crashed on to the increasingly familiar single bed. She had not even begun processing everything that had happened before she drifted into oblivion.


End file.
